Unsent

Last night's post was quite political, and since I tend to aim more toward the personal side of things, I wanted to share the following, influenced by Alanis Morissette (link to the video below).  Her music has been an inspiration for me for many years.  All the names are fictitious, but the sentiments are real.

Dear Jen,

You have to admit that we were cute together.  You and I had a lot of fun, but we were way too young to really appreciate each other.  Our relationship was new and exciting, but when neither of us really had any interest in anything beyond a hug, it was never going to go any further than it did.

Dear Natalie,

I did really like you and I have to admit you are very pretty.  My first kiss was with you and I thank you for bringing me out of my shell.  But you wanted me to be your escape from an abusive grandmother and parents who abandoned you.  I wasn’t willing to have sex, and the lies you told to make it happen doomed our relationship.

Dear Mary,

You were the first person I ever really let my guard down with.  When I came out to you, you were supportive and loving, more than I ever could have expected.  When you came out to me years later, I was relieved, but it appears you indeed were just going through a stage.  I’m sorry for hurting you, and I will always wonder how you’re doing.

Dear Don,

I found true friendship with you, something I hadn’t had in years.  I really loved you.  I only wish I hadn’t been so scared.  I will always cherish our short time as a couple and the experiences we shared before and after.  I can still feel the butterflies in my stomach when we held hands in the parking lot as we agreed that we shouldn't be together until I was ready.  I hope you will realize that you are a beautiful man and didn’t need to lose all that weight, the color in your hair, or the goatee.  You were my first love and I will never forget you.

Dear Brad,

You were so cute back then.  You were such a resource for me when I was trying to come out.  I wrote all those long letters from the heart, along with the bad poetry.  I’m sorry you were hurt when my dad made me break up with you, but I’m glad it ended when it did.  You weren’t a very nice person.  I can’t believe you outed me in retribution.

Dear Jaycie,

You wanted more than I did, but we knew from the start that it wouldn’t last long.  You never meant to leave your parents’ home and I was heading out of town for college.  We had a lot of fun together.  We shared movies and music and good times.  You were a child and it had to end when it did.

Dear Seth,

We just missed each other, and I wish things had been different.  If you had only invited me back to your room in college, it would have been.  We tried to make long distance work, but it was just too hard.  Sometimes I cry over what we could have shared.

Dear Kevin,

You were my best friend and I wish we could have been together.  You are the reason I believe in love at first sight.  As the years went by, it grew harder and harder to hide my feelings for you.  I wanted nothing more than for you to hold me in your arms.  Every time I looked at you, my heart beat faster.  I was willing to look past your faults and lies and all those times you abandoned me without a place to stay or a ride home or a friend.  When you decided your pocketbook and location were more important than my safety and friendship, I couldn’t ignore it anymore.  You left me homeless and alone, unsure where to go.  If you were gay, I think you would have hurt me even deeper, and I am happy it ended when it did.  Goodbye my love.

Alanis Morissette - Unsent